Balance is for Funambulists!

In the last year, many clients have asked me to present a program on ‘something’ about Work/Life Balance. When I ask about a more specific definition of what that elusive ‘something’ might be and what they are hoping I’ll address, their responses include:

•  “People are really stressed about this.”   (Often followed by “But don’t give me stress management”.)

• "We are asking people to do more with less and it has a negative impact.” (Often followed by “On home AND work”.)

• “Our employees are making work less important than home and the result is not good.”  (Or “They are making home less important than work and the reaction isn’t a good one”.)

Seeking parity between work and home may feel like you are on a quest in search of an elusive ‘holy grail’; it must exist out there somewhere! Since all professionals (both full time and part time) have some kind of life outside of the office, it makes sense to examine what balance is, what it isn’t, and how you obtain it.

Funambulism

Funambulism means tightrope walking (from the Latin funis (rope) and ambulare (walk)) and there are a lot of professionals who feel that they have become performers, trying to balance and not fall while performing or walking along high wires. It takes practice and skill to make it look effortless and be confident. While acrobats train for years, professionals just join the circus and assume they will achieve success, applause, and satisfaction.

Unrealisitc Expectations

Forget about equality when it comes to work and life. Unless you spend the exact same number of hours at both, it’s impossible. Our lives have more of an ebb and flow to them. I am never in complete control of all aspects of my life. There is often unexpected company, car trouble, medical test results, illness, weather, errands to run and the outcome is rarely repetitive, not to mention clients who change their mind, invoices to follow up on, deadlines that shift to a new date, and technology ‘episodes.’ Plans are made, remade, and then made up.

Gail Sheehy was right in her books about people and transitions: things change depending on your age. Career climbing in your 20’s is not the same as when you are parenting teens when you are in your 40’s. Babies demand different things from their parents emotionally, intellectually and physically than aging parents require from their adult children.

We are all wired differently and one size won’t fit all! What works for one person simply does not work for another. Options that do work are colored by a wide variety of variables: temperament, values, ability, competing demands, finances, expectations, and resiliency. It makes little sense to compare your work/life parity to someone else’s. Though our tendency is to compare how we are feeling to what we observe, we really have no idea what is going on with anyone else (unless they confide in us). 

So given these realities – how can we feel more in balance? It may be as simple as:

• Periodically assess the demands on your time: What are the demands on your time at work and at home? What things are you involved in that are ineffective uses of your time at home and at work? Do you find yourself watching a TV show you’ve already seen, letting phone calls interrupt important conversations, or doing something you could delegate?

• Prioritize the demands on your time: Are you doing the right things first? Do you know what the most important tasks are or do you handle the easy things first, the biggest things first, or the loudest things first? Do you find that you make calls rather than start a project, check your email rather than prepare for a meeting, deal with the interruption rather than be unavailable, or always answer the ringing phone?

• Develop the skills you need to increase your efficiency: If you have a tough time ending conversations, you may need assertiveness skills. If you spend significant time worrying about things that may happen, perhaps some stress management training would help. If you miss deadlines, time management or project management skills support are an area that might be to your advantage to explore.     

There are other techniques that can help create a sense of balance:

• Positive Self-Talk can remind you that you have managed in the past to handle challenges and this is just another in the series;

• RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) can reframe beliefs you have that create emotional reactions into more logical beliefs that don’t’ create as much internal chaos;

• Don’t allow “Perfect” to get in the way of “Good” because sometimes the only person who sees any difference between those two things is you;

• Protect what’s essential to you because those are truly rare things and are critical to your values and standards.

• Create supportive relationships in the four key areas of your life: Work, Family, Friends and Community and be able to name five people in each area who would help you out if you called.

Not Them - YOU

Balance is not created by work or home. It definitely helps if you have a boss, colleagues, clients, family, and friends who understand that you have other responsibilities, priorities, commitments, and obligations. But they’ve got problems, deadlines, obligations and issues of their own.

The truth is that work wants your focus 120% of the time and home wants your focus 120% of the time. If you are involved with both, it’s up to you to manage the demands so that when you are at work, you are focused on work and when you are at home, you are focused on home.

That elusive sense of balance will be created by you for you. I know there are some basic realities in life:

• You can’t have it all at the same time.
• Choices means choosing – when you pick one, you are not picking the other.
• If you focus on what you are doing, you will probably do it better.

Acrobats train for years and many use safety wires or poles to safely develop their routines. Although a high-wire performance may appear to be a combination of bravery and magic, remember that there's a lot of work and good old-fashioned physics, lots of practice, and plenty of falling thrown into the mix as well!

It isn’t always easy to manage the demands of work and home. If you accept that occasionally being a bit 'off balance' comes with the territory and may actually spark your creative juices, you can gain some satisfaction. No one expects you to be an expert funambulist all the time.

 © Daniels & Associates. All Rights Reserved.

Upcoming Speaking Engagements

06.15/21/24/30.2010
Bridging the Gap: Managing the Multigenerational Workforce
Howard County Police Department
Marriottsville, MD

07.07.2010
Effective Interpersonal Communication
MDWorks, Inc., 10270 Old Columbia Road, Columbia, MD 21046
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10.04.2010
Bridging the Gap: Managing the Multigenerational Workforce
Hosted by the Howard County Police Department
Marriottsville, MD
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In the News

Coming soon - a joint project between Joni Daniels and Kim Fabian. The Mid Level Alliance of Baltimore will offer innovative skill development for Mid-Level Managers. Click here for details!

Joni is pleased to be a regular contributor on the team of experts for Carolyn Kepcher's new project, Work Her Way (www.workherway.com), a comprehensive and unique website for female entrepreneurs.

Joni's Power Tools blog is now featured on www.LeveragedWisdom.com, a website designed to challenge the thinking and provoke a conversation about the Entrepreneur's role as an Owner, Leader and Manager.

This Newsletter kicks off a quarterly theme on Work/Life Balance. Follow Joni's Blog entries, Tweets on Twitter and Facebook posts that explore this idea, questions, and stories in more depth. You are encouraged to respond with your own questions, experiences, thoughts, resources and ideas. Join the conversation.

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